5 Reasons

by C.H.H. Fleming

It's not that cool to be tall. Let me preface this - there are varying degrees of tallness, i.e. the taller-than-average group (6' - 6'2"), the noticeably-taller-than-everyone-in-the-group group (6'3"-6'5"), the freakishly-tall-let's-everybody-stare-at-him/her group (6'6"-6'8"), and the ogre group (6'9" and up); of which I fall into the let's-everybody-stare-at-him category. And trust me on this one: after extensive research I can promise that these groups, for whatever reason, are distinct. Now to the reasons...

1 - Common conversation starter: "Wow you're tall." How is this a good conversation starter? This is about the least interesting quality I find in myself. Furthermore, I have yet to figure out if this is a compliment, insult, or anything in between. It doesn't imply anything of physical attractiveness or otherwise, or that you're actually interested in talking to me. More importantly, I now don't want to talk to you.

2 - Sitting on airplanes. I love when the 4'-10" lady sits in the exit row - thanks a lot. Two things that make this experience even better... when the all-too-common 450 pounder sits next to you, leaving no place to put your knees, and when homeboy sitting in front of you decides to recline his chair.

3 - Doing dishes. Not that I don't love back spasms, but everyday appliances and architecture aren't meant for the tall crowd, particularly those of us above 6'5". Timing your stride so that you hit the bottom of your gait when you reach a doorway is not something the average Joe or Jane thinks about. And people rarely clean the top of refrigerators. Gross.

4 - Questions about size of genitalia. This goes both ways. Some assume that we must be hung like elephants, while others, out of some unknown symptom of Small Man's Disease, come to the "pinky" conclusion. If you're interested and things go right (or terribly wrong) you may find out for yourself.

5 - Numbness after an extended period on the toilet. Maybe this is a function of my procrastination in finishing up the deed, but Sporting News articles are often too interesting to put down. If I had a dollar for every time I nearly fell on my face after reading the latest on postmodern deconstructionism, I'd be a dozenairre.

If you're a hobbit and you're sitting next to one of the big folk, offer him the aisle seat, ok?

Cody Fleming is a Rocket Scientist (seriously.) He works for Northrup Grumman in Manhattan Beach, CA.